Saturday, March 12, 2011

Wow life just fly's by. Its been a long year since my last post. I lost My mom on April 4th. I still have not reconciled that. The pain is there everyday, I see things that remind me of her, The other day just for a second I forgot she was dead and went to call her. I wish I could tell her what is going on in my life. She was a lot of things but she was a good listener. I miss that. I miss her. I even miss her mean days. She was a messed up woman, but she was strong and wouldn't give into self pity. She would tell me to quit crying and get over it. I was always too soft for her.


My 30 year marriage died. I stayed too long. I hoped to long for Happily ever after with someone who never really got me. He's not a bad person, just when you are not compatible resentment builds up, and then hurtful things get said, before you know it, too much hurt and misunderstanding leads to, well, in this case Divorce. I will miss my life with him, but i realize the good parts were because I made them happen. So I will move on with my hopes for love and joy in this life.


I lost my child, my sweet funny daughter to heroin, I miss her most of all. We had a special bond that I can't have with anyone else. I Pray that one day she will make it back, but I have lost her as surely as if she too died. There are times when I am alone I cant stop the tears. I have walked into bathrooms to just try to pull it together. Baby girl had so much potential. It hurts so bad to loose both women in your life that you should be able to count on, always.

While all of these things are devastating, I am rising from the ashes of life's burning pain. I have been working on myself and along the way I found a man. Imperfect to be sure, a diamond that no one seen. He was full of pain. I went into spirit healing mode, and it seemed he was doing the same to me. He has in the last few months taken me from being cautious of men to believing that there are beautiful men with light spirits. We heal each other, we love each other. we grow stronger. I believe that we can walk thru this life side by side. That we will always have each others back. I have never had that in my life. I was always fighting my own battles. So amazing to have backup. Real Love, feels joyful. my heart sings a song when I think of him and that is almost always. When he has to leave me, I wrap my spirit up in his love and wait till we can be together again. This last year had been so hard, I believe that Michael was sent to save me and I him. Thank you to my savior for bringing Michael to me.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Am I growning yet?

I don't know if I am growing. I came to Ohio to a dangerous job for alot of reasons. The main one is to give my self time to be alone and think about which road I want to travel now. I have some amazing friends that lift me up and give me comfort. I also still have daunting responsibilities that i am still running from and throwing money at. Why is it that those who profess to love you aren't really interested in what makes you happy. They seem only to want you there to make them happy and be a witness to their life. As I take this time to weigh my relationships, I need to see where my inner light shines brighter. I do know that my girlfriends mean so much to me. we laugh, cry, on the same level. Are we all meant to end up alone? and why does that sound so bad, but my friends who are like that, are very happy. I think that maybe alone isn't as bad as it sounds. So I will be thinking and praying that I make it through this scary Job.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I hope for myself this year to find more kindred conversation, more stimulation of thoughts and ideas, I have been asleep for a while, sometimes to numb to care, I guess that is a defence mechanism to the harsh realities of life but I have opened up that cocoon and am looking at this new year with hope for more. More love, More Kindness, More friendship, and LESS of all that doormat existence, the Pleaser attitude, the Yes when I want to say No. I believe that helping out others is necessary to feed our souls but I need to remember that i also have to help myself, that It's okay to just do what ever I want to. F.... Its amazing to me that I have got this far in my life and can be made to feel guilty if I want to go to the movies alone. What happened to me. I feel like the jobs and responsibilities have chipped away for so long that now here I am an emotional husk hollowed out by demands of lunatics. But... I remember who I was and where I started out, I feel that girl in me, and she is going to shine again.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

What is it??



I took these pictures can you guess what it is?
Hi Margie I know your out there.

Funny web sites that h told me about.

Two funny sites:


I got these from my friend H thanks!

Non-Motivational posters
www.dispair.com

comics that are funny where they were not intended to be:
http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/03/top_15_unintent.html

Friday, January 19, 2007


Here's a bird God painted for you, H, sometimes just the shock of a different color is the hook.


Well, it has been a very busy year so far, New years was in Lansing at the Kellogg center with Governor Granholm. I still don't have the photos of that night.

Then last weekend we were at the Renaissance Center for the Inaugural Ball. This is me being flirty to Carl, Four Gin and Tonics and I'm not responsible for my actions