Wow life just fly's by. Its been a long year since my last post. I lost My mom on April 4th. I still have not reconciled that. The pain is there everyday, I see things that remind me of her, The other day just for a second I forgot she was dead and went to call her. I wish I could tell her what is going on in my life. She was a lot of things but she was a good listener. I miss that. I miss her. I even miss her mean days. She was a messed up woman, but she was strong and wouldn't give into self pity. She would tell me to quit crying and get over it. I was always too soft for her.
My 30 year marriage died. I stayed too long. I hoped to long for Happily ever after with someone who never really got me. He's not a bad person, just when you are not compatible resentment builds up, and then hurtful things get said, before you know it, too much hurt and misunderstanding leads to, well, in this case Divorce. I will miss my life with him, but i realize the good parts were because I made them happen. So I will move on with my hopes for love and joy in this life.
I lost my child, my sweet funny daughter to heroin, I miss her most of all. We had a special bond that I can't have with anyone else. I Pray that one day she will make it back, but I have lost her as surely as if she too died. There are times when I am alone I cant stop the tears. I have walked into bathrooms to just try to pull it together. Baby girl had so much potential. It hurts so bad to loose both women in your life that you should be able to count on, always.
While all of these things are devastating, I am rising from the ashes of life's burning pain. I have been working on myself and along the way I found a man. Imperfect to be sure, a diamond that no one seen. He was full of pain. I went into spirit healing mode, and it seemed he was doing the same to me. He has in the last few months taken me from being cautious of men to believing that there are beautiful men with light spirits. We heal each other, we love each other. we grow stronger. I believe that we can walk thru this life side by side. That we will always have each others back. I have never had that in my life. I was always fighting my own battles. So amazing to have backup. Real Love, feels joyful. my heart sings a song when I think of him and that is almost always. When he has to leave me, I wrap my spirit up in his love and wait till we can be together again. This last year had been so hard, I believe that Michael was sent to save me and I him. Thank you to my savior for bringing Michael to me.
