Am I growning yet?

I don't know if I am growing. I came to Ohio to a dangerous job for alot of reasons. The main one is to give my self time to be alone and think about which road I want to travel now. I have some amazing friends that lift me up and give me comfort. I also still have daunting responsibilities that i am still running from and throwing money at. Why is it that those who profess to love you aren't really interested in what makes you happy. They seem only to want you there to make them happy and be a witness to their life. As I take this time to weigh my relationships, I need to see where my inner light shines brighter. I do know that my girlfriends mean so much to me. we laugh, cry, on the same level. Are we all meant to end up alone? and why does that sound so bad, but my friends who are like that, are very happy. I think that maybe alone isn't as bad as it sounds. So I will be thinking and praying that I make it through this scary Job.